Before School Doubts

So, as I've said before, I'm in something called the Academy at my school. And I'm sitting there thinking to myself just now...what the hell am I putting myself through?

I mean, I have friends, and schoolwork to balance out, you know? The fact that one of my friends are going through a hard time and I now have a school family, I just think that my friends need me more than my pencils, you know?

I can't risk staying after school everyday. I can't handle the extra school work, and I can't handle summer school. It's all too much on me. I want to be with my school family. I don't want to be forced to do supposedly "more challenging" things. All I want to do is quit.

But I can't just quit like that! There's a lot of good sides to the academy too. But, it's difficult. I don't know what to do. What if I get a different lunch period than all of my family? I can't hang out with them after school, because that's when I have my extra period. I can't hang out with them before school, because I have to wait in the band line. What would I do? All of the extra schoolwork would just add up my free-time so I wouldn't be able to visit them on the weekends either. I'm so confused....

I just don't know what to do for one of the first times in my life.

I think I just died a little inside,
Sarah D.

Out Of Ways, Out Of Days, Out Of Luck

Out Of Ways:
URGH! I can't take it anymore! I can't take the pressure that my parents place on me. It's like, one parent doesn't want me lying to people on the internet and one parent doesn't want me to tell the truth! I'm out of ways to please my parents. Sometimes they are out of control. They're always assuming things. I even stopped writing in journals because they probably will read them. I'm out of ways to make them happy and I want hem to think I'm a fine child. Every parent thinks that the second you turn 12...you want to start having...uh....sexual intercourse and you want to take drugs. I mean...COME ON! I'm a christian! I go to church! I never want to smoke! I don't want to even DRINK! I just want to live a teenage life without the assumptions made. My parents don't know what I think so why in the world would they think. I'M FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I swear to god if anyone ever makes anymore assumptions about me they may as well kill me now. PLEASE!

Out Of Days:
URGH AGAIN! My friend since 4th grade just got on a plane and left leaving three crying preteens, two worried moms, and a five year old at the terminal. UGH! I'm out of days to be with her and I'm not even sure I have the money to pay for a trip to visit her. I thought I had,like, forever to hang out with her but now......now I'm out of days. I'm no longer going to be able to freeload off her house...I'm no longer going to be able to see her. And I'm gonna miss her sooooooooooooooooooooo much. I'm sending her a long email after this... I even remember the last conversation I had. She called on her cell while we were drving home.

Amanda:Hey
Me:Hey
Amanda:I don't wanna move anymore. I just want to go home.
Me: But you are going to go home
Amanda:They say that home is where your loved ones are but...my loved ones are you, Brittany, Jacob, and Mita
Me: I know Amanda, but your family wants you too. I guess you have two homes. Your family wants you back a lot
Amanda: But so do you guys...so...this doesn't make sense
Me:Well, we've had you for...four years. Now it's their turn and some day soon you'll return to us or vice versa
Amanda:I love you and all my friends though
Me: And we all love you too
Amanda:Well, my mom I guess wants to talk to her brother so I got to go
Me:Oh, ok. Bye Amanda! Love you
Amanda:Bye Sarah! Love ya!


Out Of Luck:
I'M SICK AND TIRED OF MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!!!! Today has NOT been a great day. I hate my life right now. But will I cut myself? no. WIll I have suicidal thoughts? no. DOES ANYONE HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME?!?!??! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

URGH! PEOPLE SHOULD JUST LET ME LIVE MY LIFE OK? I'M GUILT FREE SO LET ME BE! I HAVE NO BAD INTENTIONS AND I AM OUT OF THINGS TO TYPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OUT OF EVERYTHING,
Sarah D.

My Obsessions

I LOVE HARRY POTTER! He is my life.........I swear it. I mean, I don't love the character Harry Potter, but I love the series. Who wouldn't? The series bring a sense of adventure. I even think my reading/writing level has gone higher after falling head over heels in love with the book series.





I Love South Park. It makes me laugh, it makes me cry of laughter, and it makes me want to laugh even more. You know why? Because it's funny as hell. My favorite show ever. I don't think I'll ever be able to live without South Park.


I'm sorry, but I love Panic! At the Disco. They are one of the best bands I have ever heard and they are just......AWESOME!




The Beatles are a classic. No one can say otherwise. If you do, than you are crazy.....

??Coincidence?? (I Think Not)

Romans 8:28 states that all things work together which in english terms means that everything happens for a reason.

So.....how exactly do we apply that to real life? It can't be coincidences....because personally there are no such things. EVERYTHNG happens for a reason. So why does that mean that my friend gets to live only hours away from New York? And also, gets to visit Manhattan, where I wish to live?

THAT IS SOOOOOOO NOT FAIR! It also happens to be where my "older brother" lives. And it's one of those......."I hate my life and I wish I was going to New York" kinda moments.

You know? I mean...come on. I spend every single one of my summers doing almost nothing and like...it's just so not cool.

Destiny Better Have Bigger Plan Behind This,
Sarah D.

P-I-Double S-ED

These are the things that pisses me off. Because obviously my friends and family do not really know me as well as I thought they did.

1. When people assume things like the way I feel just because I decide not to smile they think I'm sad or something.

2. When people go through my stuff. And when I get mad they say crap like "Well I'm your friend I'm allowed to".....

3. Hypocrites

4. Sensitive people who pick fights with me. I'm an Aquarius, I fight back.

5. When I'm at a sleep over and I end up falling asleep because we weren't doing anything except lying down on the bed. And yet, it seems to me that about 70% after that happens...... they end up finding things to do AFTER I sleep and then they wake me up telling me all the great and wonderful things they did.

6. People who lie to me for the fun of it.

7. People who switch passwords on AIM and other instant messaging crap just to play a prank on me.

8. People who call me Indiana Jones

9. People who call me "drama queen" or other mean things like that. Even though some of them may be sarcastic... they still hurt a bit because sometimes they say it with a straight face or they don't say "Just kidding" until after I get pissed.

10. People who love .......Vampires...... It seems to me that after I tell them I HATE V-Words, they continue to ask  me "Why" and stuff.....

11. People who make fun of my fears of blood sucking parasites that also go by the name of Vampires

12. People who think that girls aren't allowed to be outside by themselves just because of things they see in the news. However, 6 and 7 year old boys were acceptable in the process of going outside by themselves.

13. Racists.....

14. Hitler lovers........

15. Friends who always make me feel like a third wheel when we have three people sleep-overs

16. People who say it's wrong for GIRLS to spend the night and that they should instead stay inside and cook and clean.

17. People who think that just because no one spent the night at other people's houses back in the 50's, means that no one should do it now.

18. People who don't want me going outside by myself, biking by my self, going on the computer too long, reading too much, staying inside too much, sleeping over at my friends house, having friends come over, and who are too lazy to drive me anywhere. I mean WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!?!????!?!?!??!?!?

19. Not going on vacations

20.  People who call me girly just because I clothes I wear aren't "guy" enough. YOU'D BE DRESSING GIRLY TOO IF HALF YOUR CLOSET WAS HAND-ME-DOWNS FROM YOUR COUSIN!!!!!!!

21. People who hate me just because I'm weird...

22. People who say "I'm only doing stuff for attention" when I hate too much attention which doesn't make sense........

23. When people think that just because I'm a christian that I can't do rebellious and daring things. I mean......... CHRISTIANS CAN HOP A LEGAL FENCE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!! I EMPHASIZE LEGAL!!!!!!!!!!

24. When people yell at me and get me trouble for crap I didn't do

25. When people offer me food when I don't come to lunch with food. 

26. People who treat me like a charity case

27. People who continuously mock me for reasons I fail to understand

28. When my friends have obsessions..... I go along with them. And yet, when I have my obsessions, no one seems to give a crap that I love...

1.South Park

2.Harry Potter

3.Panic! At the Disco

4.The Beatles

5.Oldies Music

6.Dancing

29. When people make fun of me or tell me to stop when I'm singing. It... hurts OK?

I mean, I'm SORRY I can't sing GOOD OK? It's not my fault. I haven't had a hobby

in such a long time and I want to take singing  lessons but I can't for a while. I'd love it if

people could just... back off. I'm so insecure about my voice... I lip sing happy birthday.

30. The fact that I don't have a talent

31. When I start getting angry and frustrated and no one seems to care that I have a

feeling I may have anger management issues

32. When people say when I ask them "Do I have a talent?" they say I'd be a good

Comedian. Watch out Dane Cook because here comes Sarah! And issue-filled child with

comments no one seems to give a crap about!

33. When people brag about their talents. Even when they don't know they are they still do.

34. People who like older guys...I mean REALLY older guys. And they REALLY like them

I know I'm not one to stop this so called "Love" but come on..........a 49 year old?

In middle school? Good luck with that........

35. When people storm out of a room because I supposedly said something wrong but

instead, they took it the wrong way.

36. When people who are mad at me don't tell me they are until it's the "right moment"

and when I'm feeling so happy they come out with "I'm not an atheist" or "Who's Logan?"

I mean, if you're mad at me... tell me. But I NEVER do that. I never act all dramatic about crap

like that. I'm SORRY I may have done something wrong but instead of making me more mad

by waiting three effing days to tell me that you're mad makes me even ANGRIER!

37. I hate it when people beat around the bush

38. I hate it when people ask me question even though they already know the answer

39. People who think that just because someone is a certain age/grade means something about

them. That, my dear readers, is stereotyping. Comments such as "They're only 12,

it's only one of those crushes where they like each other one day and they don't the next" 

O YEAH!?!?!? Well in that case... 25 year old flings are just one night stands where they have

awesome intercourse one night and the next they are on to another person!

BELIEVE IT OR NOT BUT 12 YEAR OLDS CAN ACTUALLY KEEP RELATIONSHIPS......

40. People who are against anything that has to do with the ghetto such as rap, hip-hop, wearing hats backwards, African Americans who are perfectly innocent, and 

everything they stand for. I'm only going to say this once...some gang members are actually nice. some gang members aren't even gang members but just African Americans who enjoy listening to hip-hop. Is that so bad? Is it?

41. People who are so full of themselves and what they think is right that they think that everything else they don't like is bad

42. People who take things I type/say the wrong way without asking me first to make sure it's right or asking me nicely what I mean by that or why I wrote that in the first place. Believe it or not...I ACTUALLY HAVE ANSWERS YOU RETARDS!!!!!!!

THESE ARE ALL THE CRAP THAT MAKES ME PISSED OFF AT PEOPLE. I AM SORRY I'M NOT PERFECT BUT I AM ONLY ONE PERSON AND TAKING ON ALL OF THIS.....IS FRUSTRATING. VERY VERY FRUSTRATING. MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY SHOULD KNOW BETTER SOMETIMES. AND IT'S NOT EVEN JUST THEM, IT'S ALL OF SOCIETY. SO SUCK IT UP PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU GUYS ACTUALLY MAKE ME WANT TO HURT SOMEONE SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will Always Be Pissed Because People Don't Know Where To Draw The Line,

Sarah D.

Busted (With a capital 'B')

Yeah, OK, I got busted. My mom found the link to this blog from my You Tube account so now I have to tie some loose ends.

1.I don't hate my dad for breaking my door. I was angry....that doesn't mean I hate him.

2.My mom is not an atheist. Yes, I'm mad they don't go to church but my mom does believe in God.

3.I don't hate my brothers either

Uh-form now on I'll just say I don't hate anyone in my family. OK? It'll save me having to type it all.

OK, so yah, I'm probably giving off a bad expression that my mom looks into what I'm doing on the internet,but she's my mom and she's legally allowed to without being a stalker until I'm 18. THEN...that would be wierd.......

I trust that my mom has the best interest for me...etc etc. If she ever suspects me of anything that she wouldn't jump to conclusions and ask me about it.....yadda yadda yadda. And that she wouldn't ever accuse me of doing anything bad. Also, that she would believe me if I told her a reasonable excuse. Like,for example, if a random teenager starts instant text messaging me on Yahoo Messenger that if I say that it was someone who read my profile probably and decided to ask about where I live...THAT I WASN'T TALKING TO HIM!!!!

etc etc etc......yadda yadda yadda....ok. I think I'm done.

(All is the same for my dad)

Innocent Until Proven Guilty,

Sarah D.

Cover Up

I'm beginning to realize that when my friends need someone to cover up for them, they come to me.

What the hell is that all about? I don't really feel like covering up for anybody except myself. I mean, yes, I like to be trusted, but seriously, I don't wanna lie to another friend for a friend. I once even had to tell my friend's boyfriend that she wants to break up with him.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM NOT MAKE UP PEOPLE!!!!!! I DO NO DO COVER UPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I the only one who finds it wrong? Because if I am than I would like to say that covering up for a friend is good every once in a while for IMPORTANT things like if that certain friend was about to get in trouble and stuff but come on....

...YOU DON'T NEED A COVER UP FOR EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not only does it add unnesscessary stress on me, but it also means that I am a pushover.

I say "yes" to almost everything my friends ask me. THAT calls for a definent stop.

I Am Not Make Up,
Sarah D

What Is Love

I don't know what love is exactly. I've never felt anything like it and I don't plan to anytime soon. Why should we make a big deal over something that exposes your heart to have someone toy with?

I came to thinking last night as I was talking to my unofficial big brother and his girlfriend online. They acted like idiots when they were around eachother and when I'm only talking to them alone they seem to only want to talk about eachother. Is that what love is? I wondered.....

I asked a majority of my AIM friends and each and every one of them said that this so called 'love' is undescribable and I won't get it until I am in love.

So now I'm curious as to what exactly love is. How it works...and why it ends. My curiosity increased when I found out that my friend's parents split. So tell me, if everyone makes a huge deal of this emotion......than why does it end. If it's so powerful, than why does it do nothing more that kill us slowly onne by one.

UGH! I hate this. I haven't been this curious since I was 8 and I wanted to know what the "Birds and the Bees were". I am now on a mission to figure out what 'love' is.

Wish Me Luck,
Sarah D.

I Hate Instant Mesagging

I hate Instant messaging because:

1. I don't really know who the heck I'm talking to on the other side of the computer. When I talk to Matthew I think I want to talk to Matthew....not his friends. etc...

2. It seems to me that whenever I want to talk to a certain person....they are always off.(Logan) And sometimes even when they are on they have to log off ten minutes later.(Logan) Because,(Logan), they,unlike me,have better things to do than sit on thier butts talking to people on the computer all the time.

3. My fingers hurt a lot afterwards.

4.It's simple to just tell someone your password (MATTHEW!!) and then idiots (Like me) end up confessing crap to someone who on the other side is more that likely laughing thier heads off because they must be having a jolly good time making fun of me(BRYAN), (That happens enough at school I don't need it when I'm content at home too....)While people like me are thinking they are confessing things to someone they trust.

5.People Type SLOWLY.....

6.People multi-task thus, when I ask something like: "Hey! What's up?" It takes forver for them to reply. (I'm not even gonna say names this time.......)

7.That's another thing, EVERY conversation starts out as...

"Hey"
"Hey"
"What's up?"
"NM"
"U?"
"NM"

And then there's this complete awkward silence and usually the person on the other side is waiting for me to say something.(There are too many people like this so I can't say names) What the heck am I gonna say? "Nice shirt where'd you get it!??!"

8.Conversations flow easier in real life.

9.Spelling errors can't be made when we actually talk

10.Instant messaging has created it's own language native to American Teenagers mostly. It's grown to the point where you can hear people SAYING "OMFG That made me want to like LOL but I can't because I have to BRB" I mean...txting was made to shorten down words so we don't have to actually have to type the whole sentence. Not so that we can go around talking like total idiots.

11.People find it nesccesary to tell me very VERY important things through AIM when it should probably be done in person....(JESSICA!!!!My cousin)

12.Smiley faces look to smiley. Even the frowny faces look somewhat happy. :( I mean, come on. It looks more like his mouth is glued shut. That does not look like an actual frowny face. I think Lindsay Lohan can do better. (And that's saying something considering that she's a horrible actor...)

13. THIS IS NOT A PIG! :@) It actually looks more like what Micheal Jackson thought his nose looked like. In fact.....that probably is what his nose looks like today too! But that is NOT a pig.

14. People can type insults without having to worry about me hitting or kicking them. (You know who you people are.........)

15.I can't read your expressions. OK? I am sorry if you are being sarcastic and I don't catch on. (Once again, you know who you are...)

16.Sometimes, when people tell me something really really sad or crappy about thier lives, I can't really hug them...........

17.Virtual moving....isn't exactly moving. I mean, you can say *Hugs you* or *High fives you*....but that's just virtual. (Duh)

18.When people say they are "away" they sometimes are right there but are to "busy" doing something else..

19.Sometimes,when people press "away"......THEY ACTUALLY ARE AWAY!

20. Sometimes...people say the cutest or the bicest things to me through instant messaging, and I really end up wishing they said it in person rather than....(ugh) through an emotionless piece of technology.

I copied and pasted this from my Buddy Info on AIM. Every word of it is true. BTW, if you want to talk with me through AIM, my username is...xoxROFLxox

Forever Having To TXT,
Sarah D.

Perfect Moment

OK, I know it's been a long time since I've updated but no one reads this damn blog anyways so why the hell do you care?

Anyways...I just got through asking everyone on my AIM list if any of them had ever day dreamed a perfect moment. Why? I don't really know. I guess it was because that just happened to be what I was thinking at that particular moment in time.

My perfect moment,personally, is lying down under a blanket of stars with someone I love or care about and having deep conversations.

-No Worries
-No Curfews
-No Drama

Just a deep conversation. None of that crappy small talk about homework and stuff but a deep conversation. That would make me feel so calm, and happy. I don't know why but the stars have that affect on me you know? That's why I love the outdoors. It's so...peaceful. I love it.

Wishfully Thinking,
Sarah D.